Hmm, recently there's not much of sadness or problems.. so notink to blog.. haha.. humans are funny.. most of the time they like to blog abt sad stuff, angry stuff or stuff tat they are proud of.. when it comes to happiness stuff, they seldom write it down.. maybe it's all shown in their faces.. tat's why.. i'm tis kind of ppl ba.. tat's why my blog is so sad.. haha..

Met dar at Plaza sin for dinner last nite.. we went dating a while, looking for the phones we wan to buy before heading to music clinic.. my mum is buying me a new phone as my birthday gift.. and i'm getting nokia 6111, pink!! haha.. love it.. so feminine and cute.. dar is also considering getting tat but black color.. haha.. couple phones!! yippy!!

Music class was fun.. full of laughter.. onli got 3 students and tricia.. she was there for make up class.. she was not as bad as i tot.. haha.. we sang elva's song.. cant remember the tittle.. it was a fast paced song.. enjoyed myself.. we've got a focus for our anniversary nite item.. love story.. haha.. sort of like date movie.. combine the cream of different love story to make up a sketch wif singing.. it's gonna be fun.. =) oh.. before we left, we saw derrick.. tink he was there for practicing.. he is not as cute as last time.. haha.. more tanned and his hair was spiked.. haha..

Haha.. finally reached the age of 19.. quite old le.. mux learn to be more sensible, independent and love myself.. cannot be hurt again!!

on 22.03.06, my family celebrated for me in advance.. cox they leave thurs for princy.. hee.. we ate at bai sheng thai restaurant.. nice food, i mux say.. love their fried cuttlefish.. seafood is the best!! i asked my grandma along too.. love her so much.. she is so cute and doted on me alot.. after tat went north point, my dad ask me to pick a cake.. i picked the kaya cake, haha.. cox everyone loves it.. it was nice.. my aunt came wif mei mei and mabel to celebrate wif me.. haha.. enjoyed it.. love family moments..

yesterday, 23.03.06, is my birthday!! Princy celebrated for me.. we went plaza sin to eat, shop and watched movie.. we ate at pizza hut.. we ate for abt an hour still cannot finish all, then we gave up.. haha.. it was nice.. cox got my fav.. calamari rings!! haha.. then we went shopping, bought a mickey top.. love it.. is yun fu quang.. after tat watched Date movie.. it was hilarious.. i like the imitation of the bachelor, desperate edition.. haha.. it was funny.. we had some cake and coffee at secret recipe.. nice chocolate cake.. it was time, and dar sent me to music clinic.. haha.. stressless class.. it was tommy and love it.. the way he teach.. teach us line by line before letting us sing.. when class ended, i was shocked.. dar was sitting at music clinic.. haha.. no wonder jeremy keep coming in to disturb our class.. ask if we finish class liao not.. edwin had bought cake.. haha.. so sweet of him.. and it's chocoty cake again.. fattening!! haha.. they sang 3 version of birthday song.. chinese, english and cantonese.. haha.. they are so cute and playful.. love them!! met bro at plaza sin after his work.. went to have supper wif them and chit chat till 3 plus.. haha.. quite entertaining.. dar accompany me till tis morning.. hee.. so nice and cosy.. love him!!

Thankx frenx.. for ur wishes and presents.. =) love them all.. Princy, remember wat u promised me wor.. love u!! and love ur adidas watch!! muackxx.. =)

Yuckx!! There is a big cricket on the ceiling of my bedroom... oh my... i sprayed it wif insecticide.. then it flew dunno to where.. it keep making the irritaing sound but we jux cant see it.. haha.. in the end ask my pro dad to catch it.. luckily it was caught.. if not.. doubt i dare to slp.. haha..

2 more days to my bithday.. =) cant wait.. hmm, tml my family is celebrating for me.. but dar has to work.. cant join us.. so sad.. =(

Hmm, stayed at home today to watch some lame movies.. Scv.. Meeting dar later.. hee.. cant wait.. going to rent a movie.."Saw".. horror film.. =(

did some manicure jux now.. haha.. love it.. looked so glam.. haha.. the picture is suppose to be butterflies.. too small, the cam cant took it..

Tml supposedly have to work.. but tat ah pui say some unforeseen circumstances cock up.. so have to wait till she calls me.. haha.. another boring day.. maybe can slp till late afternoon.. =)

3 more days to my birthday.. =)

Such a boring sunday.. mei mei came early in the morning.. she is such a cutie.. i tied her hair in 2, she didnt even resist.. haha..

didnt go out today, stayed at home and made malay dadar kuehs wif Ally.. my aunt's maid.. it was not veri successful on the outside but tasted veri delicious.. haha..

Dear van jux called me.. talked abt her stuff.. she's not feeling veri good now.. but i believe she will befine.. she is a strong gurl.. we talked abt my birthday celebration also.. haha.. plan to book a hotel room for gurl's nite out.. sounds cool.. cant wait..

Deary van, be strong!! u are always my glam queen mama.. haha.. =)

Hmm, my little cuzzies jux went home.. little mei mei is soooo cute.. when she is going home, u point ur finger at ur cheek, she will raced on her little car, and give a kiss on ur cheeks.. haha.. love her more and more.. mabel is so addicted to tom and jerry now.. aiyoh.. so no good...

went to work as surveyor today.. so tiring.. but pay quite good.. $7/hr.. haha.. then went to pasta mania at cineleisure to eat.. i ordered oven baked pasta.. so yucks lor.. like uncooked like tat.. haha..

hmm, my birthday is coming and dar keep asking me how i wan to celebrate.. i asked him to decide.. i gave him some suggestions, go kite-flying and picnic or east coast to ride bicycles.. haha.. he say my ideas not bad.. hmm, dar knew tat he is neglecting me and next week he will be working morning shift tat means we could meet at nite.. hee.. no need to meet once a week le.. yippy!! can say i'm veri dependent on dar ba.. haha.. but.. cant help it.. love him too much.. and jux wan him to show more concern to me ba.. haha..

cant wait for my birthday!! =)

Hmm, tink we'll be fine ba.. he say he realised is all his fault and he wasnt tinking when we quarrelled.. he is now planning how to celebrate my birthday for me.. he wanted to make it special.. hee.. my birthday wish is tat we can be together happily..

Hmm, forgot to mention abt the chalet program.. haha.. on the first nite, bro was so ke lian.. kana forced to drink by his brothers.. haha.. there were liqour and beer.. he vomitted like mad.. luckily "someone" was there to take care of him.. bro was too sick and he never join us for a spin.. dar and zell drove.. zell brought us to changi village to see "ah guas".. haha.. some was like so man.. but their figure was.. woo~~ haha.. there were pretty ones.. but when they speak, it spoils everytink.. after tat zell brought us to changi hospital.. oh my.. i didnt know we are going there, if not, i would not follow.. zell was damn brave, he walked at the front.. i held on tight on dar and cover my ears damn tight.. also dunno why i cover my ears.. maybe i'm not tinking ba.. luckily notink happened.. haha.. but a few of us were scared.. couldnt wait to get out.. this is our first nite...

the second day, bro invited his frenx for party.. haha.. my sisters came.. sheena and meow.. they've grown prettier.. and still as crappy.. haha.. miss them alot.. at later time after the party finished, we quarrel.. so i sat at one place, outside a chalet.. didnt know got ppl, he came out and ask if i'm ok.. i said yes.. he laughed and said, oh.. u scared me.. i tot u are a ghost.. haha.. he's a malay.. maybe 20s to 30s.. he said he work at downtown east.. events planner.. they were given a chalet room each to let them rest and work.. so shiok.. haha.. he is my senior too.. from yishun town also.. we chatted for abt an hour before dar came and look for me.. it's nice knowing him.. haha..

Darling, wan to let u know.. no matter wat happen, my love for u will never change.. maybe tis is wat ppl call true love.. haha.. everyone, be happy!!

Hmm, jux woke up.. reached home at 7 plus from bro's chalet.. 2 days didnt catch a wink.. had fun and unhappiness at the chalet.. of course the fun part is enjoying wif bro and him they all around.. the unhappiness part is him also.. hmm, we ad a reali big quarrel last nite.. we both wanted to break.. we had enough and are suffocating.. we loved each other but our characters and bad points are too alike.. we are too stubborn and cant give in... i spent 2hrs alone feeding mosquitoes and reflecting.. if we loved each other, we could try to give in.. if it reali cant work, maybe as he said, break up is the best solution.. he came back after he went driving wif his frenx.. we tried to talk tinks out.. and we both said out our points.. he wanted more freedom, i wanted more concern.. he dun like my attitude, me too.. we've said to try out again.. he can go out wif his frenx.. but at least let me know who he going out wif, the time and place.. in case anytink happen, i know who to contact.. and i'll not show a sulky face even if i'm tired when wif him or his frenx..

Actually we should have ended.. but i feel i rather try to tolerate and accomodate.. maybe in the first place, we dun even suit each other.. but since we've come tis far, shouldn't we at least try to salvage?? he said he doesent wan a break up, but our views are too different.. he said to seperate for a short while.. i cant let him hurt me again.. so i thrased tinks out wif him.. maybe he fel forced and pressurized.. sorry.. but i reali cant bear the pain.. sorry if i made u sound like a bad guy.. i didnt know.. is jux my feelings.. how i feel abt u..

If we cant tolerate and accomdate.. we shall break.. i will iniate ba.. at least he wont feel guilty.. i rather hurt myself than let him do the hurt.. u are rite.. u had many bad points, so do i.. u asked me why i still like u although u have so many bad points.. hmm, if i knew why, i would not have suffer tis much.. i also hope i knew the answer.. i can onli say love is blind...

Hmm, i'm a loser ba.. haha.. i jux cant let go.. we've talked tinks out.. and.. we are back to normal again.. =) i'm strong enough to say breakup but... he doesent wan to.. sorry ppl.. to disappoint ur.. i jux cant live without him ba i guess..

went to music clinic last nite.. it was great.. we had 2 classes combined and 2 teachers.. jerome and fang lao shi.. jerome taught us a bit of theory and fang lao shi taught us vocal class.. we sang "hao xing fen shou" chinese version one.. it was easy to sing.. haha.. stressless class.. i like.. hmm, we were told abt the anniversary nite where we need to perform.. it was like a competition.. there will be auditions and prizes.. we combined wif another class and need to come out wif a short 15min musical.. the theme is any song from drama serials or movies.. some sing, some act out the scenes.. it's a grand tink i suppose.. cox there will be record company's boss.. oh.. we saw shi kang jun, jones!! haha.. he is so cute and skinny.. he is so shy when we looked at him.. heard from jerome tat he is a teacher at music clinic.. hope one of the lesson he can teach us.. haha..

went out today wif yan and huilin.. went town and city hall.. so tired.. haha.. went to interview for a few sales jobs.. they say they will call me.. have to wait.. =(.. bought bro's birthday present.. it wasnt wat i wanted.. cox the present i wanted to get for him will onli be ready on tue.. so long.. so have to get other gift.. hopes he like.. jux a small token.. haha.. went to carrefour to look for princy.. tink he is too tired.. full of rubbish.. haha.. glad to see him, miss him so much.. haha..

cant wait for sunday!! bro's big day!! haha.. and can get to see dar again.. hee.. tink they say ppl in love are blind.. and i tink it's true.. i'm so blinded by love now.. haha..

Hmm, he did not msg nor call me except at 7 plus to tell me he is home.. he mite be out having fun ba.. i'm dumb ya?? tinking where is he now.. even if i ask.. he will lie to say he is home ba.. haix.. i'm so tired and sick of tis situation now.. i'll drop dead soon.. but.. i'm stronger.. after the one week incident.. so no matter wat i choose to do.. is sumtink i hope for.. i wish i wish.. i wish for an answer now to end my sufferings..

Our supposedly nice and cosy lunch if he never lies... =(


U maligned me, make me worry, i can take it.. i can pretend notink is wrong.. but u lied.. and let me found out.. u lied to me u were home last nite but... u are at jinglu hse and even drive to bedok for supper... if u havent lost ur keys.. i'll never ever find out.. i hate u.. u can still say is my fault tat u lied.. u simply dun trust tat i've given u more freedom.. so wat is the point of being together?? u keep saying i making a big fuss over notink.. u said as long as u treat me good, is enough.. but.. lying to me is treating me good?? i am not asking u to report to me.. but at least inform.. let me know where u are.. but.. u jux dun believe me or give me a chance to show tat i'm giving u more freedom and trust.. maybe.. maybe we are reali not suitable.. ur views had indeed change.. maybe u tink is for the better.. but.. i tink u are like a stranger to me now.. i dunno who are u.. maybe u onli wan a gurl fren in status tat will accompany when u are bored.. not someone who cares for u or loves u.. maybe.. i should let it go during tat one week.. these 3 days happiness and sweetness are like bubbles.. tat vanished so quickly, i didnt even realised it's disappearance..

My mind is in a whirl.. i dun wan to see u or talk to u.. i wan to be alone.. tink if i can accept who u are now.. i have to get to know u again like a stranger.. i'm devastated.. why am i in such a miserable situation again?? Am i the one u need?? i'm lost..

Hmm, princy asked if bro got ask me go his chalet not.. i said yes.. is on 12th march.. but.. i dunno if i wan to go or not.. cox princy is going on the 11th.. he is driving his frenx there wif the food and stuff.. means i have to go myself.. so sian lor.. haha.. have to travel myself there.. haix.. still tinking if i'm going.. but already had in mind wat to get for my beloved bro.. haha.. hopes he like it.. =)

Frenx, thanks for being there for me when i needed ur.. ur are my great frenx.. if ur had probs, let me know ya?? i'll always be here for ur too!! =)

Went to Suntec City to work as surveyor yeaterday.. it was tiring but not bored cox huilin was wif me and i went to find princy at carrefour.. hehe.. the surveyor job was not too bad.. $6/hr.. but we are illegals.. haha.. we dun have the proper identification to work in the Career Fair exibition and we dunno the company name we working for.. Our survey forms was confiscated by the organiser of the fair.. we cant do anytink so went visiting the booths of the fair.. haha.. took brochures for princy on ACCA and i took MOE brochures for myself.. Primary school teacher earned so little.. onli $1700 to $2000.. haha.. tink i have to find another direction in the future..

I could feel Princy's sincerity in repentimg.. hee.. he will msged or called me when he is free.. i felt so sweet.. hope tis sweetness doesent end and i could quickly forgot the one week unhappiness.. Love you Princy!! =)

Today i finally met him.. the last time i saw him is 1 week ago.. when i celebrated his birthday for him.. He brought me somewhere.. at first i tot is zoo.. but is not.. somewhere i never expected to be.. Marina south.. he brought me there for a reason.. kite-flying.. i dunno how he knew i like kite-flying.. maybe is telepathy?? haha.. i reali enjoyed it.. to see the kite flying high up in the air.. how i wish to be the kite.. flying up in the air.. he says the purpose of bringing me there to fly kite is to let me know that we will hold our hands together and fly the kite, to let it fly in the air wif our hearts linked..

Well, we got back together and i'm reali happy.. although we mite have different views but we promised to compomise.. we quarrelled again at there.. cox of stupid tinks.. i shouted at him and he said alot of stuff tat hurts me.. we quarrelled for abt 45mins or so.. but finally, we compromised.. i promise not to shout at him in public again and he promised not to agitate me unecessarily..

hmm, we both knew tat we are hot-tempered and stubborn.. both would not give in.. but.. we'll try.. cox is not easy for us to be together again.. i reali hope we will always be as happy as now.. i told him tat i feel veri xing fu now.. he said i'm so easily contented.. it's true.. i'm easily contented.. i jux wan a guy who can cherish me and love me..

Princy, i love u... thank you for everytink today.. hope we will be forever so blissfully together.. =)

Jux got back from Music clinic.. Alone.. I walked home alone and i cried.. i reali broke down.. maybe yesterday strongness is all put up.. i tried to be strong.. i reali did.. but i cant.. i'm jux a lousy weak gurl.. Jay and Lara's shan hu hai was playing when i broke down.. tis song is his tone when he calls or sms me.. I felt so cheap.. clinging on him when he does not love me anymore.. I know tat sat mite be another big blow to me and i'll get reali reali hurt.. but i still dun wan to give up.. why?? why am i such a loser??

I'm alone.. living in sadness everyday.. on one hand i dun wan to give up.. but on the other, i was liked force to give up.. under all the circumstances and those negative thoughts.. i'm a failure.. how comes every relationship failed?? am i the problem??

It's 12 midnite now.. he still has not call or msg me.. he say to let him know when i'm home.. seems like my safety does not concern him now.. he does not care anymore.. i'm stupid.. reali am.. Bro is rite.. he doesent worth my crying.. but i cant help it.. i know i can end my sufferings earlier if i end the relationship first.. but.. i cant bear to.. it wasnt easy for us to be together.. i dun wan to give up so easily.. but i'm suffering.. wat should i do??

Hmm, last nite u ask if i'm well... i say wont die so easily and ask if u reali care.. u say.. pls la.. why not.. u still my galfren and i still like u wa.. hmm, ya.. i'm "still" ur galfren at the moment.. mite not be after sat outing ba.. U said u still like me.. should i believe u?? i also dunno.. so confised now...

Hmm, today got music class.. i dun wan exam.. no mood for exam.. i wan to sing.. sad sad song.. i wan to learn fish, ke xi bu shi ni.. it's a sad sad song.. it's a pity it wasnt u who accompany till the end.. so sad..

Fate is sumtink tat cant be forced... i feel so relax now.. not because of the ending of examx.. but the truth from u.. why mux u hide for so long?? u mux have felt veri xing ku.. pretending tat u still love me, tat u care for me and tat to lie to ur heart.. sorry for making u feel like tis.. maybe.. maybe i should jux end it..

u msged me after exam jux now.. adressing me as "dar"?? why force urself?? i felt notink.. reali notink.. not happy nor sad.. it's empty.. we agreed to meet on thurs but now u said u got lesson and change to meet on fri.. lesson?? tot u said u are already having holidays?? i shouldnt ask much though.. u called me and... u told me we cant meet on fri either.. cox is ur fren's birthday... so many coincidence since the day u hurt me...

fate... is not sumtink we share anymore.. do we still have the fate?? i dunno.. now i felt so cold, so empty, so lost.. so alone.. alone in my world.. i care for no one.. no one cares for me.. i am jux me.. i dun trust fate anymore.. not anymore since the day u break my heart...

Attention Please
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